When I lived in the states, buffet restaurants were in every town and were certainly King and Queen in Las Vegas where the “Buffet and a Show” was on every visitor’s schedule.  The problem is, I hate a buffet restaurant.

I don’t care if they do have the big fat yeast rolls or enough food to fill Aunt Martha who weighs 300 lbs.  It just feels like bellying up to the trough.  No, I like my food brought to my table that’s been set with real dishes, cloth napkins and served with a nice glass of wine.

Cooking at home is no problem for me.  I like to cook and I’m pretty good at it, so when I go out to eat I want food better than I can make at home.  The buffet style restaurant just doesn’t cut it for a foodie.

I was invited to dinner at a local Chinese buffet restaurant the other day by a good friend who REALLY wanted to go there.  She said she was dying of hunger and could eat half of everything they served.

How do I say, “Sorry, can’t be bothered, find someone else”?

I didn’t.  I went along.

Honestly, I knew better that it wouldn’t end well.  And it didn’t.

We arrived and the place was 3/4 full which said that maybe I’d been wrong and maybe the food was pretty good.  I hadn’t realized that it was nearly full because it was school holidays and the winter holidays are when the folks who can’t afford to travel come to Queensland.  Yes, the place was filled with holiday makers who couldn’t afford more than an all-you-can-eat joint.

After being seated we were given plates and headed to the “trough.”  The man in front of me must have been 7′ tall and weighed way more than he should.  He was filling two plates.  He looked at me and said, “Someone my size eats a lot.”

Okay.

Then he sneezed and dropped one of his plates on the floor – all over one of my shoes.  I know, I should be grateful that it wasn’t both shoes but still, his germ laden food on my foot was gross.  I gave him one of those, “oh well” little laughs and tried to step around him so I could get to the food without any sneeze on it and stepped on something slippery and down I went.  I was fine but my dignity was definitely bruised.

So now I had a shoe covered in food and my bottom was now the same way.  Oh good.  What fun.

My friend?  She was on the other side and came through unscathed and ungermed.

I took enough food to last me until I got home and I watched as Jamie ate until I was sure she was going to explode.

“Oh, it’s so good,” she kept saying as if that was reason for going back for visit number three.  The food wasn’t that good, my shoe was ruined and my dignity was still in tatters with food all over my backside.

Remind me about this night if I ever say I’m going to a buffet again.

Have you always enjoyed a buffet?  Have I ruined it for you?