I wrote recently about how I want to change the words I use after I say, “I Am…” Today I read a blog post from a woman I met at a blogging workshop in Brisbane last year. She’s funny, creative, clever and terrific to sit next to at a workshop.
Debbish wrote a post yesterday titled “Getting Out of the Way” and it spoke to me. I know you know what I mean about reading things just when you need them and how powerful they can be? That’s the sort of post this was. In a way it was like I felt when I read about changing what I say after I am.
She writes that nobody can give us permission to be happy but ourselves (and I believe nobody can take our happiness away unless we give them permission as well). To get rid of what’s holding us back we need to challenge our assumptions and identify our underlying beliefs.
While my personal situation is much different from Deb’s, the self-doubt, the questioning of why I am where I am and do I deserve anything more than what I have already is very much the same. Here’s one of her confessions:
“Although I don’t want to be fat and single forever and although I WANT to be attractive to the opposite sex, I overeat and binge-eat – making me fat. And single.” Ta da!”
The thing is, I’ve met Deb and I don’t see her the way she sees herself at all. To me, she is smart, clever and funny, not to mention really attractive. The weight? She’s rounder than she’d like to be but that doesn’t stop anyone from finding someone fantastic to love. She admits that she knows there are people like me who know she’s attractive and desirable but until SHE can feel that way, she’ll never reach out to a man.
Which brings me to the point of this post. After reading about her self doubt and things she cannot seem to change — I asked myself, “Ddo WE have similar issues that are in our heads and not in any way real?” I suspect we do. These underlying beliefs keep us where we expect to stay, all the while yearning for something different.
For me, that’s where changing the words after “I am” hopefully will make a difference because I Am… clever, compassionate, friendly, kind, intelligent, caring, thoughtful, attentive, respectful etc., etc. No more will I buy into what my mother said about (and to) me when I was growing up. I’ve lived a lifetime hearing in my head and also saying aloud, I am not… living to my potential, a slut, a horrid writer, selfish, fat, undesirable, unlovable and more things that still hurt to think about. After reading all that you’re only wondering why my mother told me I was a slut, right? A group of friends were outside at our house when I was 18 (seriously) and the girls got on the boys’ shoulders and we tried to knock each other off. I was slut because a boy’s head was between my legs. Yes, now you know why I’m fucked in the head but see how far I’ve come!
Please visit Diet Schmiet and follow Deb. She’s got a lot to say and I like it all.