disappointmentHave you ever felt so disappointed that your body felt like it was melting in the chair and it was a struggle just to lift your arm?   If you saw the title and thought I was giving out tips on getting through disappointments, you’ll be disappointed.

I’m in a funk and no amount of “make lemonade” or “face my feelings” seems to make a difference in how I feel.  I’m willing to blame it on my mother but I’ve blamed her for way too much all my adult life and she didn’t have a horse in this race.

Someone will pop in to tell me that I didn’t learn to deal with disappointment or tough times as a child so I was left to flounder every time something wasn’t as good or happy as I wanted.  I will want to pop them right in the nose.  I won’t go into the reasons behind my funk – there’s baring your soul and then there’s embarrassing yourself and I think there’s a fine line between the two.

The truth is, life can suck sometimes.  I’m convinced that it’s not necessary to make that lemonade when life dumps lemons.  It’s okay to feel let down for a while.  It’s a sort of mini grieving for what could have been but now won’t be and it wasn’t your fault.

This isn’t a major disappointment in the big scheme of things but it’s big enough that I have a sinking butterfly-y feeling in my stomach.  One of those, “I DON’T want this to happen to me,” feelings.

I have a positive outlook 98.5% of the time and I know things will change and I’ll look back one day and think, “gee, that turned out all right, didn’t it?”  By then I’ll be able to step back and look at this from a different perspective and it won’t hurt any more.  I’ll  have let it go and moved on.  I know that’s how I’ll handle it.  I’ll get by.

I’m tired of getting by.  I’m tired of saying, “oh that’s okay, I don’t mind,” when I feel I’m the only one sacrificing anything.  I know that’s a cheap shot and I shouldn’t write it but that’s how I feel right this minute.  My mother would call me a brat and maybe that’s what I am right now.  I’m disappointed and I want to kick the wall.

Tomorrow I’ll be back to feeling positive and grateful for all I have, especially my good friends.  They’ll like me in spite of the dummy spit.

Now where did I put those essential oils I’m suppose to sniff?


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